I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
