just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
