Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
