his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
