You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
