I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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