I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
