just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
