Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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