i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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