that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
