Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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