Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
