I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
