I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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