We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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