I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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