Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
