it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
