Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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