It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
