ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
