We're facebook friends in real life
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
