it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
even my farts smell like vagina
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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