What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
