He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
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