someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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