I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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