I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
