you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
FUCK WHALES
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
