nut hugger
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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