I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
