A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
