its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
