When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize