I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
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At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
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I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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