just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
