The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
