I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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