girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
