nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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