Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
