Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
her vagine was all disorganized.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.