Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
