so explain again why im purple
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
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and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
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The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
This is my life. Enjoy the view
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.