I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober