I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
