I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
