I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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