I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
