My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
