Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Randomize
