p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
