Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
