I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
