speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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