this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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