I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
MIDGETS
????
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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