dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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