I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
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