I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
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