I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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