im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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