if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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