you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
