filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
