Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
The Olympian is in my bed
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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