please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
