Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
