he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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