Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
