The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
