Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
