Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.