Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.