if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
