"it" just moved
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
